


winter

by marscafe



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Lowercase, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, im sorry, lapslock, mainly tagged as teen because of the light angst and cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23985721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marscafe/pseuds/marscafe
Summary: because without you, every single day would feel like a never-ending winter.
Relationships: Choi San/Jeong Yunho
Comments: 1
Kudos: 44





	winter

**Author's Note:**

> i proofread like 5 times but there may still be some mistakes so sorry in advance. also lowercase is intended so if that annoys you then...uhhhh sorry.

who was san to yunho?

roommate, best friend and teammate would be the obvious answers. 

but to yunho, san was so much more. he was yunho's pick me up when he felt down, someone that he could talk to about his problems without fear of judgement, someone that would hold him without asking questions. san was a very important piece of yunho. it didn't take much time for them to get used to each other as their personalities just clicked so well. they were best friends without a single doubt. two people who would be there for each other to the end. but as of recently, yunho noticed that the line between just being best friends and being something more felt ... blurred. 

the way they would hold hands made yunho's breathing unsteady, the way san held onto him so tight at in the late hours of night made yunho's heart uncontrollably race and god seeing san smile or hearing his heavenly laugh made yunho's poor head spin. the innocent touch of san's hand on his knee or the brush of fingertips made his cheeks hot and made him nervous.

he didn't feel this way with the others. when seonghwa hugged him or mingi held his hand he felt just fine, he felt perfectly fine showing skinship to any of the members. touches between friends are an innocent thing. but why did it always feel different with san?

why did san make his head spin, his heart pound, his palms sweaty and his breathing shaky? why did he find himself staring at san for long amounts of time? why did he start to feel uneasy by little features that he had never thought anything of before? like how his eyes turned into perfect crescent moons and how his dimples got so big when he smiled or the lines in his neck that became more highlighted when he would fall asleep in the car with his head leaning back or the little trail of hair that showed just below his belly button when he stretched his arms up and his top lifted. 

friends can make each other feel this way ... right? it's totally normal to find yourself staring at your best friends happy trail or the veins on his hand. 

no. no no no. fuck. 

the sudden realisation hit him hard. in the car on the way home from practice yunho turns to look at the seat next to him to see san peacefully drifting away into sleep and he knows. those months of feeling uneasy whenever san did nearly anything around him. that was love. **he was in love with san** _._ he stares at him a while longer, heart unsteady, only breaking out of his trance when he hears someone clear their throat. he looks up to see mingi facing him from the seat in front with a knowing look. "of course mingi knows" he thinks. yunho just gives him a weak smile and turns to face the window. 

a hot tear falls down his cheek and he sniffles as his head races with thoughts. 

san was confused to say the least.

yunho had been acting weird around him for at least two weeks by now. 

he had been swapping rooms with jongho a lot or if jongho didn't want to swap he would wait for san to already be asleep before crawling into his own bed and facing the wall. 

yunho hadn't hugged him, looked him in the eyes, spoke to him or even smiled at him. san even noticed yunho make an effort to sit or stand anywhere that was away from him and it hurt. 

he wanted his best friend back. he wanted his teddy bear to hold onto in the night. he missed having yunho constantly beside him as if they were conjoined by the hip. he missed the way yunho ran his thumb over the back of his hand when their fingers were interlocked, he missed walking into the kitchen first thing in the morning and hearing yunho cheerfully say "morning sannie!!!", he missed the hugs, the arm around his waist, the reassuring words. 

san missed yunho. 

he tried really hard to think back and see what he might've done wrong. but even if he had done something to upset yunho they would've talked it out by now, yunho doesn't hold grudges. 

san couldn't think of any explanation other than that yunho knew his true feelings towards him. 

everyone knew. everyone has always known that san's love for yunho was so much more than the love best friends feel for each other. san loved yunho. he loved every single thing about him and he swore to himself that for the sake of this precious friendship he would never act on those feelings. the thought of losing yunho because he couldn't control a stupid crush was horrifying. he would never want yunho to be disgusted or embarrassed by him. so if he had to put those feelings aside in order to keep his best friend he would. he would do anything for yunho. 

it was reaching the 3 week mark and san was exhausted. he wasn't sleeping, he avoided his own room like the plague and his back was absolutely killing from sleeping on the couch. 

turning to check his phone with a groan he makes his way off the tiny cramped couch to head to the kitchen, his back making an unhealthy cracking noise in the process. he pours himself a glass of water and sits at the kitchen island just staring at it. lost in his own thoughts for what feels like hours 

_"good morning san."_ seonghwa said from behind him making him slightly jump. _"oh morning hyung."_ he responded with no enthusiasm. seonghwa just frowned at the sight. san's voice was hoarse, his under eyes were dark and he had stubble growing in quite dark. _"sannie...how much did you sleep?" "stayed on the couch last night. didn't want to scare yunho off any more than i already have."_ he felt seonghwas arms wrap around him from behind and his heart clenched. he knew that seonghwa hated seeing any of them in such a state and this whole situation seemed to have really got him down. _"talk to him. please. it breaks my heart seeing you two like this."_ he didn't respond. he knew he had to confront yunho at some point this couldnt go on forever. his train of thought was cut off by another voice, not belonging to seonghwa. _"morning hyung, sannie."_ he looked up to see mingi walking towards the kitchen. he gave a small smile when mingi brushed a hand over his shoulder before heading straight for the fridge. _"wheres jongho this morning?”_ seonghwa asked turning to mingi. _"ah i think he went to work out earlier this morning, told me he would be home in abour an hour?"_ seonghwa gave a slow nod before continuing _"and what about yunho?" "he came into our room at about 1 this morning, hes still there."_ mingi eyed san as he said that last part. seonghwa gave a hum and turned to san giving him a look similar to mingi's. he sighed and removed himself from seonghwas hold then made his way down to mingi and jongho's room. 

he was staring at the stupid door for what felt like hours, hands sweaty and shaking, too nervous to knock on the door. "get it together man" he tells himself for the nth time as he finally knocks on the door. _"who is it?"_ yunho calls out. san doesn't respond. _"jong? are you back from working out early?_ _"_ san can hear fast footsteps making their way towards the door, coming to. halt when the door finally inches open. san watches yunho's face drop and he watches the olders hands scramble to shut the door but he pushes himself into the bedroom shutting the door behind him. _"talk to me yunho. please."_ it comes out as merely a broken whisper and yunho breaks. 

san walks towards him and hesitantly wraps his arms around his waist. the small touch only making yunho cry harder. he wraps his arms around san's waist, pulling him closer and burys his face into the youngers neck. 

they were in that position for what felt like years. san slightly rocking yunho side to side while rubbing his back. no one daring to break the silence. 

san was the first one to speak up _"yunnie, you need to calm yourself down baby. you're going to make yourself sick."_ he pulls out of yunhos tight hold and wipes the stray tears off of his cheeks. 

_"san-" "dont push yourself to speak. lets sit down so you can calm down a little more and then we can tal-" "no san. i just-"_ san cuts him off the second time by shushing him and guiding him to sit down on the side of the bed. 

5 minutes later and yunho has finally calmed himself down yet no one wants to speak. san was about to say something when he heard a mumble from yunho. _"yunho i'm sorry i didn't hear you."_ yunho sighs and lets out a weak _"i'm sorry"_ san giving him a weak smile. _"it's okay yun-" "no. no, it isn't okay. you know that just as well as i do" "yun-" "san. i fell. i fucking fell for you and i don't know what to do with myself. i can't fall in love with my best friend. i'm so sorry i never wanted this to happen but i just can't help it. i am so in love with you."_ yunho scoffs at his own words, angrily wiping the hot tears that started to fall again. meanwhile, san was at a loss for words. 

yunho loved him. yunho loved him the way that he loved yunho. 

_"san. i am so sorry. if you don't feel the same way i totally understand and i promise i will move away from these feelings as best as i can for the sake of our friendship." "no." "no? oh god san it's gross isn't it? i'm so sorry please don't leave me" "no yunho. i don't ever want you to dismiss those feelings because i am so in love with you and everyone knows. i have been in love with you for the past two years. i swore i would never tell you because the thought of losing you makes me sick to the stomach."_

it was yunho's turn to be at a loss for words, mouth falling agape. san turns and smiles at him. a genuine, warm smile of pure happiness. a smile he hasn't seen in three weeks.

san's hand reaches under yunho's chin to push his jaw shut, staying there a moment longer to lightly caress his face. he takes in every single feature of yunho's face and swears he can feel himself fall harder. _"san."_ yunho lets out in a rough whisper, eyes flicking between the youngers eyes and lips. 

san leans in.

yunho finds himself doing the same. 

the kiss is full of raw emotion and genuine love. it was not rushed, it was not rough but it was perfect. the months and years of yearning are strong. 

when they pull away from each other yunho feels his stomach fill with butterflies at the sight in front of him. 

san is there with swollen, pink, glossy lips. eyes glassy. cheeks bright red. panting slightly. with a huge smile on his face. 

and at that moment yunho knows that everything will be okay and that no matter what they will have each other. 

because without one another by their sides every day would feel like a never-ending winter. 

**Author's Note:**

> hello all !! my first ateez work ahhhh. this was inspired by "When Your Heart Skips a Beat" by Fluffball99 on here which is one of my favorite ateez works on this website. i hope you enjoyed it, i made myself sad writing this.


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